I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
