Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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