Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
