ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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