Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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