wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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