I can tuck mytits in my pants
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
