i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
