It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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