Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
