Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
where does the pee come out of this thing
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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