$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
