just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
