Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I want a musical about memes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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