Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
