I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
not ubering you a puppy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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