Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
