Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
