You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
