youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
