im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
