You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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