It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
