Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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