I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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