Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Come see our sink grown plant.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
