wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
