I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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