somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?