I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
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He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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