Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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