Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
