Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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