Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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