Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Where is the hickey?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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