I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
