I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
