Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
