a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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