Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You can't special order awesome
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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