last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
