Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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