I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
