i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
