im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
