Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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