how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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