Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
