Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
