Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
