my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
