btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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