listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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