You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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