I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize