On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
