Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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