do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.