I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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