it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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