did you get engaged???
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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