You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
