there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
