I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
