My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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